Today was the big day. Our company-sponsored doubles ping-pong tournament was finally upon us. A battle to the finish. The teams had been painstakenly matched by our very own CPPA (Company Ping Pong Association), and we were ready to go. The paddles were polished and the shoulders were stretched. Let’s play ball!

My ‘team’, as no wo-man is an island, consists of myself and my P cubed (ping pong partner) Nikki. My ‘P to the 3rd Degree’, as I’ve heard in the trash talk that’s been going around the office of late. Remember, I work for an Internet Company. Even the smack is technical.

We were slotted for 2:30. Us (The Avenging Angels) v. Them (Dave & Dominic- The Double D’s.) Which should have been our name, since Nikki has a lot going on ‘upstairs’. I’m not too shabby in that department either, if I do say so myself.

The match went well. We lost, but still. Comparing it to our last tournament when I took a flying leap into an innocent bystander who was sitting down eating her lunch, it went well. Or was she a by-seat-er?  (good one Cherie)  Anyway, her tray went flying, and I cut my hand on the table. But don’t worry, it wasn’t my paddle hand. Thanks God. I owe you one Big Guy. Who knew ping pong could be so dangerous? Dare I say akin to hockey?

I think we would have won this time too, but our opponents kept distracting us with the 10,000 rules that apparently exist for this complicated sport. We were thrown off kilter. You see, Nikki and I play street ping pong. It’s a little different. There’s two rules, and two rules only. Never let them see you cry, and you need spin if you’re gonna win. Aside from that, you’re on your own. Just you and the ball.

One of their ‘ official rules’ was that we had to partake in ‘alternate hitting’. I hit the ball first, then Nikki had to go, then me again, and so forth. Which definitely took some getting used to. I kept forgetting it was my turn and ‘checking out’. (Hmmmm, whatever will I have for dinner?) By the time I would come back down to Earth and hear her yelling, “Go! It’s you! What are you, out to lunch?!?), it was too late.

No regrets when all’s said n’ done though. Ping pong is a wonderful way to work off ‘lunch’. Our slop options for the day were Shim’s Chinese (70’s 2 am takeout MSG-laden microwaveable Chinese food), or Hungarian goulash with buttered noodles (Hungarian goulash with buttered noodles). Yum. I staved off starvation with some Trader Joe’s freeze-dried pineapple I keep at my desk precisely for dire situations just like these. It’s also works well as consolation food, just FYI.