Our secretary has done it again.

Here’s her latest email:

To: LA-All
From: The Receptionist
Subject: Lost Celly

There’s a cell phone on the loose. If you see a lone one roaming the halls please guide it back to reception….

Or maybe I’m just so jaded from office cubicle living all day that I think she’s a professional comedian and her email wasn’t funny at all.

No, no she’s actually pretty funny now that I think about it. You know how people always send out company emails and start out with “Sorry for the spam…”, but then proceed to spam you anyway? Or maybe that’s just Internet company lingo. “Regular” companies probably don’t speak like that. Yet. They’ll come around sooner or later, I’m sure.

Anyway, yesterday our secretary sent out a mass email that ended with “And I’m NOT sorry for the spam.” Yeah, she’ll make you LOL all right.

Yesterday we had a meeting about our “hours of operation”, which was really just a polite way of talking about us coming in late and leaving early. I really don’t think we’re to blame though. We’ve been conditioned. Like many computer companies, (except for one that I won’t give away but I will say rhymes with “Shawhoo!”), we’ve had very relaxed work hours in the past. They can’t just change the policy overnight and expect people to adhere. There has to be an adaptation period. Fair is fair.

Apparently, despite our best efforts, our supervisor knows exactly what we’ve been up to regarding our departures. He’s well aware that we leave early and SWO (silently walk out) on the regular. He preferred to use the term “scooby-dooby-doo on outta here”, but whatever. To each his own.

He said that my ping-pong partner Nikki swaggers out like “I’m f*ckin Nikki Jackson!”, Natasha keeps scurrying back and forth because she forgets things, and I exaggeratedly tiptoe out. He’s right on the money too. He has a gift, that one.

So I guess our game is up. We’ll have to go back to the methods we used to use prior to discovering the art of the SWO. Back then, we would wait for our boss to leave and then just leave immediately afterward. Allowing time for a bathroom stop and some elevator waiting of course.

We had stopped doing it when our boss made a comment that he had gone to the bathroom one night for a second, and when he came back to tell us something our entire area was deserted. With the additional skills that we’ve learned “on the job” however, I’m confident that we won’t be make the same mistake this time around.

We now have his leaving routine down to a science. First the rumblings occur, alerting us to the fact that a departure is commencing. Then we wait 10 minutes after the door closes, do a cursory double-checking of the desk to make sure the computer’s off and the cell phone is nowhere to be found, and we’re off. I almost feel like we’re like dogs. My ears perk up at the sound of the first rumblings, and I begin gathering clues from my “leader” about what’s going to happen next. A walk? A treat? Somebody’s getting ready to leave? Maybe his Scooby analogy really wasn’t that far off after all, huh?